Issue 14
Space
Jon Swan
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Weightless
I felt like an astronaut this morning in the shower as I poured Clairol
Herbal Essences Natural Volume Weightless Conditioner into my hair. What's a
"weightless conditioner?" How could it be weightless when it said "Net wt.
12 oz. (340 g.)" right on the bottle?
"This product is specially formulated to provide weightless conditioning for
maximum volume and body," boasted the label. Maybe it was developed by NASA
so astronauts wouldn't have to worry about their hair flying around at zero
gravity.
I didn't notice any difference after using it. My hair was still thin and
lifeless. It didn't seem shinier or richer...or lighter. Maybe I used it
incorrectly. Maybe my hair had no weight to begin with.
But what if it worked? What if it did make your hair weightless? Would it
have the same effect on the rest of your body? Could you create an elixir
that would enable you to fly? Think how amazing it would be if a hair
conditioner actually made people weightless.
I sniffed the bottle. It smelled like a chemical flower. I could never drink
this stuff, I thought. Of course, I'm sure the early astronauts felt the
same way about Tang.
~Jon Swan
Mr. Swan wrote the acclaimed memoir The Napalmed Lawn. His
fiction can be found online at deadmule.com, tattoohighway.org and in print this
spring in Gargoyle.
© 2003 by Jon Swan. All Rights Reserved.
© Copyright 2003 by Cayuse Press. All Rights Reserved.